Coaches' Ode to Guff

In our book, No-Guff Vegetable Gardening, we talk a lot about Guff—so much so that we decided to put the word in the book title.

The reason is simple: As professionals, it bugs us when new gardeners get discouraged by needless guff.

Here’s our ode to Guff from the book:

As plant-obsessed folk we are thankful for guff;

all the “good news” and “breakthroughs” are breathtaking stuff.

We could bow our heads and, with a giggle, withdraw,

but let’s be honest, it makes us laugh—it makes us guffaw.

What, you might wonder, is this weird energizing stuff,

this invigorating, laugh-inducing, mysterious guff?

It’s oft-published tricks that don’t seem to work;

with crackpot instructions that drive you berserk.

It’s hand-me-down tips from over the fence,

which, despite the pedigreed neighbour, don’t seem to make sense.

It’s greenwashed garden gadgets—and remedies and tonic,

whose relationship with earth might not be platonic.

It’s methods extolled by researchers, but not by green thumbs,

because on paper it’s fine but in practice it’s dumb.

So we bring you this book to help you think about guff,

and maybe, just maybe, help you laugh about the stuff.

Like our approach to gardening?


There’s lots more in our book, No-Guff Vegetable Gardening.